Lifestyle

A Good Man is Hard to Find … in San Diego

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Picture from photo.net

Picture from photo.net

Where are all the good men in San Diego? I mean really. Are you all taken or you don’t exist? It’s not that I have trouble meeting men … hell, they approach me every time I go out (not bragging) but they always end up being jerks.

Case in point – one guy who I met a couple months ago while out with my girlfriends at Gaslamp club hotspot, Belo. He introduced himself, we danced and chatted a bit before I left. I left thinking, okay this guy seems cool. He was older … by one year, which is kinda big for me since I usually date younger men (maybe that’s my problem).

A couple weeks pass by, including one weekend where I unexpectedly ran into him at PB Bar and Grill. Our second connection was cooler than the first; one because I wasn’t as intoxicated and two … well that’s it. Maybe I should have suspected he was a total jerk when he sent me a text message later that evening asking if I wanted to come over. Of course I declined, what type of girl did he think I was. I guess people are right about those red flags. Not only is it good to notice them, but also take them into consideration; something I didn’t do.

So last weekend, I’m hanging out at home. When I receive a text message (it’s the phone call of the millennium) from him asking why I haven’t called or text. Honestly, I guess I did notice the red flag because I ended up deleting his phone number, so if he was upset about my lack of communication then he should have dialed my digits earlier.

We’re texting each other back and forth. Then it happened. He asked me when I’m going to come over to his place. I thought, not again. Is there romance anymore? I replied by texting: ‘when you take me out.’

Seconds turn into minutes and … no reply. So I decided to text him and ask if he was taken back by my answer. Why he would be, I have no idea. For some reason, men these days have this notion that women are okay with spending the night at their place without even going on a date. Is this true women? I hope not.

Then the bomb dropped. He told me that he wasn’t taken back by my response, but he asked the dumbest question of all mankind: but why does it have to come to that?

In other words, why should he have to take me out just for me to come over his place. Men, are you reading this? I hope so. If you agree with this scumbag then you are just like him. I’m usually not one to blame, but guys like this make women either become players, or lay in bed with a quart of Ben & Jerry’s chocolate brownie ice cream, because they don’t want to put themselves out there just to meet creeps that only want them for their body.

Is it my generation? I’m 26 years old, and I know I’m not the only one thinking my clock has officially started ticking to find that companion. I’m sure there are good men here in San Diego. I’ll just label this guy as one of the frogs I had to meet before I was introduced to my prince.

9 Comments

  1. UCSDstudent

    July 17, 2009 at 10:10 am

    It’s not just your generation, unfortunately….I was reading this the whole time nodding my head and agreeing and getting deja vu, feeling that you’re a fellow student like me..but you’re 26. That does not give me hope for the future. Amazing article, and yes they are all like that. Then it gets you GIGI-ing (overreacting…the main character from “He’s Just Not That Into You”, Gigi, now made into a verb) and wondering if it’s you and why you ALWAYS lose the guy. It’s not you, it’s the guys and his lack of shame.

    Keep these stories coming : )

  2. Francesca

    July 17, 2009 at 10:56 am

    Great article, and unfortunately shines light on the true fact that a lot of people are downtown for the wrong reasons. Belo is cool and usually plays my jams. But the people I meet there are even more blatantly booty-callers than some of the other club attendees- so I don’t even bother mingling much outside of my group.

    Why is it always you meet them in downtown then see them in PB, or the opposite?! All of this just makes me want to stay home. LOL. Look forward to reading more. But on the other side, don’t be discouraged there are some cool fools around, just got to find them between the grey goose and bumpin beats.

  3. John Zakhar

    July 17, 2009 at 11:11 am

    Ok, so as one of few males in this office here is my perspective..

    I have been to a few of these clubs where women dress in dental floss for the evening and dance like they have no shame. Men are visual beasts, if you wave a pair of tits in front of us for hours on end, its all we end up thinking about, this is a genetic trait we have, propagation of the species and all that.

    Now I don’t agree with the “hey, here’s your drink and when you’re done lets hit my place” mentality, but I certainly understand what causes it.

    Both parties are at fault here, as a male I have zero chance of taking an interest in who you are as a person if upon our first meeting you’re wearing dimes to cover up your nipples and nothing else.

    Also, from my own perspective, the good guys don’t go to clubs like that, we get yoked on drinks left and right by “nice girls looking for that special connection” 🙂

  4. Single Girl in San Diego

    July 17, 2009 at 11:50 am

    Well John,
    I know about the type of girls you wrote about and I proudly say that I definitely don’t fall under that category. A few days ago I myself said, “look at these girls in their short shorts. They want guys to look at them as sex.” Are they giving all girls a bad name…no, because those are the type of girls that would have went home with the guy that night.
    It’s to the point where I go out to spend time with my girlfriends dancing and joking around, NOT to find a guy.

  5. John Zakhar

    July 17, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    Porsche,

    I wasn’t implying that you were one of those types of girls, I am sorry if I came off like that.
    I do however think that places like Belo, and other very popular bars/clubs tend to attract people looking to go out for a night of dancing, drinks and then a possible hook up.

    The loud music, flashing lights, drinks, revealing clothing, they all promote an atmosphere of sex. There is nothing wrong with that, and it can be a good time. I’m just not sure id be optimistic about meeting my wife there, or even a quality female id be able to hold an intelligent conversation with.

    I think that if you went to the Science Museum in Balboa Park you would be less likely to find a guy looking for just a hookup. Because the context you meet people in has a lot to do with how you as a person are seen later on.

    Anyway, I agree with your observations (mostly), I just don’t think it’s limited to men. Good Women are just as rare.

  6. Single Girl in San Diego

    July 17, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    I totally agree with you John. You’re absolutey rightt

  7. professorx619

    July 28, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    I agree with John also. You’re essentially setting yourself for failure by going to these places and taking any of those guys seriously. Google “where to meet girls” and #1 will most likely be “at a bar” or “at a club” and why is that? Because statistically, those are the places that you can find slutty girls that once they have a few drinks in them, are pretty easy to manipulate. It’s a sad reality of the world and just something that girls have to live with. … and really? you go to PB and NOT expect to be surrounded by hookup seekers and relationship averse bachelors? it’s not called the #1 singles area in SD for nothing!

    It’s been said over and over again, bars are great places to meet people .. (assuming you want the overwhelming casuality of everything with non-quality people) … but horrible places to meet quality men.

    As a guy, I tried the club scene, never liked it and found the people there very ingenuine for the most part. Now I just meet women on the street during my daily routine and have found that to be so much more rewarding / real / successful.

    I’m enjoying these posts keep up the good work Porsche!

  8. Porsche Simpson

    August 3, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    Thanks so much professorx619!
    I do agree. But don’t you think meeting people on the street can be a bit tough? So many people (including myself) are always on the go. So, where do older singles go to meet their potential sweethearts?

  9. Classie Stjean

    February 6, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    I have been examinating out a few of your articles and i can claim nice stuff. I will make sure to bookmark your site.

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